Self love is a term I am sure you have heard all too much about. When we think about self-love, we think about spa trips, massages, getting our hair done, or just spending time reading a book with a cup of our favorite hot beverage (Matcha chai latte anyone?).
But what if self-love was much more than that? What if we didn’t attach it solely on what we did for ourselves and more about what we thought of ourselves?
See I discovered that it is very possible for you to do all those things that they say you should do as an act of self-love and still not truly love yourself.
It’s not to say that we shouldn’t do these nice things for ourselves, but its more about the mindset we operate in when we are doing them.
Are you doing it to make yourself feel loved or doing it because of the love you already have for yourself? There is a big difference.
When you do something to make yourself feel loved, you will be reliant on an external thing to fill the void of love in your heart. But if you do something from a place of already loving yourself, the love you have doesn’t fluctuate based on what you do or don’t do.
It is instead rooted in an internal feeling of love you already have towards yourself that is just simply expressed through doing those nice things.
One of the sayings that comes to mind right here is that we are human beings, not human doings. We cannot do self-love. It must be a part of us first otherwise we’ll never be able to do it right.
Why self-love is important
One of the reasons why we tend to ignore our own voices, try to be like other people and ultimately fall away from our God ordained paths, can be from a place of never truly loving who we are.
We cannot embrace our introversion and unlock our full potential if we do not love and appreciate who God created us to be in the first place.
Let’s look at how the Bible describes true love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT):
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Now I don’t know about you but when I think about all the things this verse mentions, I can definitely see areas where I am still a work in progress.
Because honestly, when you read this definition of love, can you really say you love yourself even a little bit?
The same bible also says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). So the model by which we love others is from how we first learn to love ourselves.
It’s time to start truly loving yourself for who you are, fellow introvert. It’s time to embrace what makes you unique and start living from a place of absolute gratitude for God creating you the way you are.
It is only in that, that you are able to unlock the full potential that is in you that God wants to use to impact others for His glory.
So now that we know what truly loving ourselves looks like, how do we walk it out practically?
How to master the art of self-love
1. Developing the inner feeling of self-love
Tap into the love God already has for you
First we must develop a deep love for ourselves by choosing to see ourselves the way God sees us. We must first tap into God’s love for us in order to be able to love ourselves in a healthy way.
When we tap into God’s love for us we can truly love ourselves better because as the bible says, God first loved us (1 John 4:19) so who better to learn from than Him?
How do we do that?
By meditating on His love for us and allowing it to overwhelm us to the point where it overflows and helps us to love others.
When we see God love us even with our imperfections, we learn not only to love ourselves but also others in their imperfections.
2. Practicing biblical acts of self-love
Be patient with yourself
Being patient with yourself is an act of self-love. It’s okay that you don’t operate the way other people do. It’s okay that you learn things at a different pace. It’s okay that you have not achieved what others have achieved yet. It’s okay if it takes you a while to open up to people you are not very familiar with. Be patient with yourself.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. When you treat it as a sprint, you will realize that you lose breath and stamina very quickly, and that is not the best version of you that you can be.
Be kind to yourself
Kindness can be defined as the sincere and voluntary use of one’s time, talent, and resources to better the lives of others, one’s own life, and the world through genuine acts of love, compassion, generosity, and service as mentioned here.
This can be a place where those nice things we do for ourselves come into play but notice how kindness births them, they don’t birth kindness.
The acts themselves don’t birth love, love births them.
Kindness can actually look like embracing the solitude you need, engaging in an activity you love, choosing to take a break, being in your favorite cozy fluffy pjs all day or having a moment to self-reflect. It is not solely about spending money on stuff but rather doing things that express that genuine godly love you have for yourself.
Giving up control and letting God have His way
The art of self-love is the art of learning to handle what you need to handle and letting go of what is not yours to handle.
I know the introvert in you strives for perfection and seeks to analyze and over analyze so that you can be certain of a particular outcome. But it just doesn’t work that way.
Loving yourself, is choosing to give up control and let God take care of what only God can take care of. Do your part, do your best and let God take care of the rest. Trust me, you’ll sleep better.
Work on eliminating jealousy and pride
Love is choosing not to operate in jealousy or pride. Now you may think that as an introvert and someone who tends to be more quiet, pride is not something you can operate it in. But I beg to differ!
Not asking for help can be a form of pride. The reason why eliminating jealousy and pride is part of mastering self-love is because not operating in them frees you from the dangerous prisons and paths that they can put you in.
Proverbs 14:30 (NKJV)
“A sound heart is life to the body, But envy is rottenness to the bones.”
Proverbs 18:12 (NKJV)
“Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, And before honor is humility.”
Catch them when you see it, bring it to God and let Him help you overcome it.
Quit being petty
Stop being petty towards yourself. This means stop being unnecessarily unkind to yourself.
Don’t treat yourself with a narrow-mind that you don’t see anything good in yourself. Stop seeing yourself as small and nit picking at every small detail.
You are human and you are allowed to make mistakes. Stop disapproving yourself when God has approved you.
Forgive yourself and move on
Throw out your list of things you have done wrong. Learn from them and move on. You have dwelled too long on your past and your mistakes. If God has said He has forgotten them and forgiven you, I think it is time for you to do the same.
Dwell and rejoice in the truth of who you are
Don’t celebrate or dwell on the negative things people say about you. Do not agree with them. Instead, dwell on the truth of who you are in Christ. Celebrate that.
Celebrate the truth you discover about yourself and the world around you as revealed by God and His Holy Spirit. Celebrate what being an introvert does for you.
Celebrate God’s truth about who you are and what you bring to the world. Don’t look down on it and don’t try to change it.
Keep believing in yourself
Never give up on yourself, and keep going no matter what happens or how difficult something may be. God did not bring you this far to leave you, don’t leave yourself.
Cling to hope and faith always
Don’t let anything rob you of your hope which produces faith. Having hope and faith enables you to believe God’s promises for your life.
You are able to believe that God can take an introvert and do something amazing with that individual. This helps you view yourself in a new light, His light and you begin to see the possibilities available to you even as an introvert.
The Round-up
So as you can see, self-love is more than just doing nice things for yourself. It is about truly believing we are worthy of love and practicing what true love means according to the bible each and every single day.
It goes way beyond what we have been taught and involves things that we would not even initially consider to be what loving ourselves truly looks like.
So, what is that first step you are going to take towards true self-love today? Let me know in the comments, I would love to celebrate you and cheer you on as you do so!
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Until the next post,
Stay Blessed,
Tosin
