It seems like we have been on this topic of ‘reluctance’ for a while now but after each diary entry I release, I think about things further and there just seems to be another thing to say about it, so bear with me lol.
The night before I wrote this diary entry, I believe God brought to my memory a time when I said I wanted to speak about ‘Trusting your reluctance’. I saved the topic in my notes app and there it has stayed until now.
The other side of reluctance
I honestly cannot remember the exact thing that caused me to want to write about this, but when I think about it now, I realize there have been some points in my life where I felt I should have trusted the reluctance I felt more, and sometimes a lot sooner than I did.
Have you ever felt so reluctant to do something and you just don’t know why? And because you don’t know why, you start to feel like you are probably just being lazy? Yep, me too.
But surely you and I couldn’t have gotten this far in this life by being lazy so what’s really the matter then?
The AHA moment
When I think about it in retrospect, the reason why I became so reluctant about certain things in my life was that eventually, I did not sense it as truly being a part of God’s path for me in that season. Or I sensed that the season for it was up.
This is the aha moment right here….
Sometimes a holy reluctance can creep up to let us know that what we are doing is either not in alignment with who God has called us to be in a season of our lives or that something that used to be in alignment has now expired.
One thing I have come to learn on this Thriving Introvertly journey is that something that you are graced to do by God shouldn’t always have to feel like a dread. So, if I find myself constantly dreading and constantly reluctant then I need to evaluate where this is coming from and not simply shrug it off as it being from the enemy.
You know how we like to always blame stuff on the enemy lol. Sometimes we give him a bit too much credit, but that’s a topic for another day.
When we are doing anything that is contrary to what God has ordained for us in a season, it can cause for things like reluctance and frustration to creep up.
But how do we know whether the reluctance we feel is good or bad?
Discerning good vs bad reluctance
The first and primary thing to do that can help us discern what kind of reluctance we are feeling is through seeking God. Sometimes, I would ask God ‘Why am I feeling this way? Is there something wrong with me?’. Who better to ask than Him who created me? Surely He knows why I am feeling like this.
For me, when people said things like ‘seek God’ I used to ask myself, what does that actually mean? How do I do that? I used to think I had to go somewhere, maybe seclude myself on some sort of mountaintop or lock myself in a room for 8 hours.
This is not to say any of these things are wrong, but don’t feel like because you are not doing any of that you are not seeking God at all. Or don’t feel like because you are not on that level that you are not doing enough and start to beat yourself up.
Everyone’s relationship with God is different. Let’s stop trying to copy other people’s relationship with God and develop our own unique one. Start where you are and let God lead you deeper. Let’s not worship the acts we do but rather place the emphasis on the God whom we aim to earnestly seek.
What seeking God means to me
I found out that seeking God simply means, spending time with Him in however way the Spirit of God leads. Seeking Him means:
- Reading His word
- Asking Him questions
- Sitting in stillness with Him
- Worshiping and praising Him,
- Acknowledging His presence,
- Calling upon His name in the good times and the not-so-great times etc.
Seeking Him will reveal His will and will enable us to discern what type of reluctance we are currently feeling. Once I do this then I know whether I can trust the reluctance or not.
Another thing worth mentioning is we could also feel the reluctance because we don’t understand how something is part of God’s plan for our lives.
Oftentimes God does not show us the full picture of something and because we don’t understand how something immediately fits, then we feel reluctant to do it. But even so, when we seek God, He will make it clear either by His response or the lack of a response that where we are and what we are doing; stay there and keep doing it.
Plus, when something is part of God’s plan for us, we will feel graced to do it which cancels out any initial reluctance we may have originally felt.
How does this all apply to you?
Whenever you feel reluctant about something, don’t just shrug it off but explore what it could mean. Explore why it is you are feeling this way and ask God to help you see what you can’t see.
Not every reluctance you feel is trying to keep you away from your purpose but could be trying to propel and redirect you towards your purpose in that particular season of your life. That’s what I found to be true for me.
Well, that’s it for this diary entry.
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Until the next time,
Stay Blessed,
Tosin
